Friday, March 13, 2015

Mentoring the Young Engaged and Married Couples

 
Catholicism considers the family the basic unit of society, and society will only be as healthy as the families. We hear this often in our teaching on the family. When family life is strong a society can overcome all kinds of difficulties. However, divorces continue to increase, and presently Korea has one of  highest rates among the developed countries of the world.
 
The reasons for divorce are many: difference in personality, financial problems, infidelity, domestic problems.... There is also an increase of those who divorce even in old age. A fact that we tend to forget is that the more children in a family the less likely,  divorce.

We have many problems with marriage, and many in our society have no idea what Catholicism teaches about marriage and family life. The Synod on the Family which began with the Extraordinary Synod in Oct. 2014, will continue with the General Synod of 2015. The desire is to  help families live their Christian family life in our present world reality. 

In the Peace Weekly is  an article on the  mentoring  program for those that will be marrying and for our young people. The Diocese of Jejudo is the first to begin such a program and have recruited 85 couples that have been recommended by the parishes. The program will last for 9 months with a meeting once a month. The participants have completed a course in Catholic teaching,  completed a course for parents,  and have been volunteers in the Marriage Encounter Movement. 

Topics discussed and talks given will include: when the wife speaks I will open my ears; family finances, and labor; children's education; wisdom in family squabbles; independence from the family members of the husband and wife; and the common goals of  husband and wife in their preparation for old age.
 
The bishop in the inaugural talk to the group mentioned that when all is well in the family, society and the church will be healthy. He hopes they will be a  help in helping the newly married and young  people in the diocese  to have a new appreciation of  married life. 
 
We do have programs for the young and engaged but this program will be mentoring the young and those who will be preparing for marriage. The problems that the young have to face in our society makes living the married life difficult. Many of the young do not see marriage as a good and delay it, and many of the women seem to be  more interested in their development which militates against marriage.
 
Koreans because of their  Confucian values, and manners in  society have a respect for their traditions and would not be as quick to jettison what they understand married life to be, like areas of the West. However, the late marriages are one of the reasons for the  low birth rate and we have more opting to     stay single which is a big change from the past.

Thursday, March 12, 2015

Refugees from North Korea in the South

The representative of the Bishops' Committee for the reconciliation of the country is impressed with the refugees from North Korea who are here in the South. In his Catholic Times' column he mentions that with events in which the North and South are present, he marvels at the positive outlook of the refugees.

When you ask them to sing they respond with grace, and pick their song; asked to dance, they extend their hands like a butterfly and fluttering their hands begin to go around in a circle getting everybody involved, and in a short time we have everybody in the group in a joyous mood. When all is over they are the first to begin the clean-up.

To get the Koreans from the South to sing is quite a feat. There is a lot of talk, back and forth, before they acquiesce but to get them to dance, requires more difficult steps for results. At the conclusion of the event those of the South look around to see how the  group is behaving, we do not make the first move, and quietly move towards the exist. The columnist knows where those from the North got their mature and positive attitudes.                                              

The columnist reminds us of the 2003 Universiade in Daegu. A bus load of North Korean cheerleaders coming back from an archery competition, and returning to Daegu, saw a placard that was  put in place by the farmers of the areas to welcome the cheerleaders.The placard showed Kim Jong-il and Kim Dae-jung  shaking hands, the two leaders of the North and South and that time. It was raining and the cheerleaders from the North saw this as disrespect for their leader and complained. They stopped the bus and after lamenting with loud cries at the disrespect for their leader, they  took the placard back with them to their sleeping quarters.   

We, hearing what  happened, are greatly surprised at the reaction of the  cheerleaders. We see only a placard but for the cheerleaders it was like a  religious  image and more so. Do we have anybody cleaning the picture of Jesus or the cross every day?  In the North  each house has a portrait of Kim Il-sung and his son in a prominent place. Each day they would take time out to show devotion to their leaders by cleaning the  portraits with special cloths.

Their devotion to their leaders would be similar to a religious act on our part. This is the kind of training they receive from their earliest years, and continues for life. Their motto is always be ready. The leaders are like the sun for the country. This is the brainwashing they have received, and worship of their leaders is the natural outcome. 

All their acts have loyalty as their foundation and the way they receive political trust, and the reason they concentrate on heroic actions. The closer they are to the leaders  the more  envied by others and makes  them ready to do  every thing spontaneously and quickly.                                                                       

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Problems in Family Life

Kyeongyang Magazine has an article on marriage in the different cultures of the world, written by a professor of cultural anthropology. She goes to the different types of marriages that we see in the world today: monogamy, polygyny ( having  more that one female as a mate), polyandry ( having more than  one male mate at the same time)  We have also same sex marriages in the society.

Polygamy, is the marriage of a spouse of either sex with more than one mate at the same time.  In recent years  this has changed in many cases to marriage to one person at a time: brought about not always easily but because of the changes in the cultures, the laws of a country, and economic conditions. 

Because of the frequency of divorce we have serial monogamy.  In many of the cases the children are relating to the parent  who has left, and is helped financially, and the relationship continues, which  is not much different from polygamy. 

Recently many of our young people no longer feel that marriage and the raising of children is the way they will find happiness, but will only hamper their personal development. They have seen in families the conflicts between husband and wife, and with children: abuse, violence, abandonment and even murder. Communication in the family is difficult; and they see the number of old people who die alone.

When we see the problems families have, we need to ask ourselves what is a family? The family is no longer what it is meant to be. The families relate with each other without  love and with indifference. The need  to relate with each other with love, understanding, concern, giving-in, will change the mentality and enable the family to overcome the difficulties they will face.

The message of religion for the family is not the  systematic formalities they have learned, but love, respect and equality of the members in relating with each other with the practice of the virtues. Each member has to remember that their best intentions, no matter how noble and beautiful, and worthy of praise, the body will not permit their implementation without a great deal of effort in their cultivation.  

According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church the virtuous person does what is good consistently, easily, and joyfully. Koreans hear the  proverb: a habit at 4 years of age will be with the person when he is eighty. The effort to rid ourselves of the bad habits will require many repeated actions to undo the hold that bad habits have on us.

She concludes the article by wanting the Church to not only emphasis the teachings of the Lord, but to work to  change the unhealthy  conditions  families face in society.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Wisdom of the Modern Luddites

"It is rare to see someone reading a book, while riding in a subway or train." A nun, who writes a column in the Catholic Times, on Media Ecology, begins her column with this observation, and attempts to verify it by peeking at those using their smart phones in her travels. Most of the time they were  watching drama, or playing a game, on occasions reading text, but the speed was such, she wondered if it could be called reading.

She mentions studies that  showed readers of paper books had more retention than those reading e-books, easier to remember what they read, and  able to  give a decent report on what was read.  

The tendency with the  screen text makes it faster to read  but at the same time understanding and attention problems arise: words are simply passed over. In one elementary school the difference between the reading from a book and the electronic medium-- mistakes in understanding were three times more likely to happen.

Electronic books are appearing much more often today. We have ten times the number of e-books in our society compared to  3 and 4 years ago,  and this will  continue to grow. In California they are already saying paper books will disappear. In our own   country the government has shown a desire to quicken this with their policies.

She reminds us that reading is not only to search for knowledge  but especially these days we need training  to concentrate, and efforts made to develop endurance. In the 18th century with the reading revolution, it required the working together of the body and mind to do the difficult work of reading. The work required a change to our body and mind, and helped to develop the thinking process.

Books were not only the  containers of knowledge.  Paper books were uniting the sense of sight to that of touch, that conveyed the connection of these  dimensions of the person. When we fingered the pages we had the touch of hand and the sound of the turning of the page, the scent, the leisure  between the turning of the pages, weight of the book, which added to the satisfaction. Is this possible, she asks, with the electronic media?   

Here we have another example of technology and the great improvement in our way of living but at the same time we also should be conscious of a loss. The word Luddite in certain quarters has taken on a new meaning from the term used with those that found technology taking away their means of livelihood. However, for the modern Luddites, they see some of the negative aspects of our development.  Would it not be a  sign of our wisdom to acknowledge the possibility, and do what we can to prevent some of the harm that comes with technology?

Monday, March 9, 2015

Listening to the Poor.

 
"We need to hear stories of the poor and sympathize with their experiences. We need to gather these stories and understand the meaning of poverty, and work to change the structures that permit it."


Catholic Times has an article on the director of the Jesuit Research Center for Advocacy and Solidarity and above is a quote from the director that begins the article. The center works for the  advancement of the rights of the poor and  their  property rights. The director maintains the Church has to be in solidarity and relate with them on an equal  footing.  

Society has  developed but the number of the poor continues to increase. Faces of the poor are many and different: the sick, those because of accidents can't work,  those looking for work,  irregular workers, foreign workers.... 

We have abolished absolute poverty but our development has brought in another type of poverty caused by a lack of technological skills and resources.  At present poverty means being handicapped  financially. The need for both husband and wife to  join the work force is an indication of the change.

One example of this situation would be two students in elementary school. One student  is going to an academy after school and goes traveling with parents  on vacation, the other  child does not. This child will feel deprived in comparison, and the parents feel a burden.

The International Monetary Fund's entrance into Korea decreased the middle class. And those living in poverty increased. A graduate of an engineering school lost his job and began working as a taxi driver. He was a member of the middle class but his life style  changed. We need to move from support for big industry to  a win-win society for the workers: concern for the unemployed, irregular workers and daily workers and work for their betterment.

The director mentions the problem with structures of poverty and the gap between the rich and poor which we have also in the church. In many ways she helps the poor but the poor don't find it easy to approach the church because of time and financial burdens.  They feel more at home in a large Church community than a smaller  and more  active one.

To  help the poor in parishes, industry and organizations, he concludes, is not simply raising funds and sharing it with the poor. The Church needs to be in solidarity with the poor, be one with them and  speak together with them of  the joy of the Gospel.   

Sunday, March 8, 2015

Living with Passion


A music professor writing in a diocesan bulletin recalls a time he was satisfied in the way he was  saying the rosary until he heard a  priest talk about the rosary;  his whole mental way of thinking was turned upside down.  He learned  the way he was saying the rosary left a lot to be desired.

His meditations on the mysteries, he doesn't remember when, all very quickly disappeared. He began to work with a new set of meditations. However, they did not develop in the way they were supposed to. He read books on the meditations of the different mysteries, but  there was no progress and  began to feel there was something he was doing wrong.

How can we meditate on the same mystery over and over again? The first sorrowful mystery: "Jesus shed  tears of  sweat and blood." How painful this all must be, was the extent of his meditation. He moves to the second mystery with the same thoughts, and gradually another thought enters and he moves to the next mystery. Each day he says the sorrowful mysteries how can he have different thoughts for the mysteries? This in itself is a mystery, he laments.     

In life there are times, because of need, we are faced with repetition, and we endure. He remembers as a child the piano lessons and the need to practice over and over again the same music which he disliked. 

Those who become performers know the repeated practices and overcoming the boredom, enabled them to  appreciate the beauty of the music. As performers, they have not  stopped doing the repetitions. Before the  performance they practice again and after the performance they  feel there was something missing and they return to practice. Even years later they will return to the music, and are moved to another level of appreciation.                                            

This is not only true of music but many other endeavors. When we love what we are doing there is no boredom but just joy. The writer is not a performer but he can go back to a piece of music and repeat it often and with joy.He discovers something different each time. The joy comes because he loves the music.

He realized that in his saying the rosary he did not find satisfaction because he did not have an affection for the mystery on which he was meditating. The need to go back to the Scriptures and read again the details of the  mystery are important, but to have passion for what you are doing is more important. Developing  passion for the sorrowful mysteries of the rosary is his  aim for Lent. The word ardor, suffer and endurance  come from the same Latin word--- passion.

Saturday, March 7, 2015

Knowledge And Wisdom

A Salesian priest writes in View from the Ark, in the Catholic Times,  about the difficulties  parents have in educating  their children. The money they need for the public education is a burden, private academy attendance is many times more expensive.

A TV program in Europe showed the life of a 3rd year high school student who was preparing for college entrance examination: 'We have this going on in our world' was the title of the program.  How can a person put up with this kind of life? -- Was the response of many viewers. 

The difficulties of the young in our school system is well known and the ones who suffer the most are the young. There are many young people not able to adapt to the system, and have even more trouble out- side the system; it needs to be changed. He blames the older generation for the acquisitiveness and selfishness, and those in the teaching profession himself included, for laziness and lack of responsibility in not doing enough to bring about change.                                                                                             

Because of the inhuman type of education, the pressure they are experiencing will affect their emotional  and psychological well being, which does not speak well for the future. They are receiving a  distorted value system. A  time when they are to blossom with their youthfulness, they are given a very heavy cross to carry which only makes them shrivel.

He remembers a young lad who frequented the PC rooms ( a place where one goes to play games and  pays so much an hour). He was a timid and withdrawn person but  with his frequenting of the  PC rooms the priest noticed  a change in his demeanor, his face lit up and his eyes were alive and bright. The priest realized that in the virtual world of the game room the young man was king.  He was able to control everything that he dealt with. In the real world he confronted knots and conflicts, in the virtual world he was in charge. In a short time all disappeared, and he returned to his depressed state.   

This is the portrait of our young people. Once they leave the virtual world they come back to their old selves.  They are faced with the gloom of reality,  anger and the burdens of daily life. This is the reason they don't want to leave the virtual world in which they feel on top of everything. We need to do all in our power to change the system, the young people face in their studies.

He concludes the article with an example of a teacher who knows the problems students face, and is doing something about it. He arrives at school in the morning an hour before class and is greeting all the students as they come to the class room.  He wants to show the students we are not just isolated islands,  and feels good about the efforts he is making to give vitality to the students.