A priest writing for priests in the Pastoral Bulletin recalls a trip to Germany some years ago when he visited with a Korean family living
in the country. The grandmother who had her grandchild beside her, turned
to the priest, and told him that she is praying that some day he will be
a priest. The son hearing his mother saying these words suddenly,
upset:"I don't want my son to be a priest, stop praying for him in that
way."
That night when he returned to his dormitory he
asked a friend of the boy's father why such a strong reaction to the
mother's words. He was told that on trips to Germany by many priests
from Korea, the father would spend time showing the priests around the
country and making them feel at home in Germany. However, when he went to Korea he
would look up these priests and felt they were not pleased to see
him.This reaction on the part of the priests that he spent time with in
Germany and their response when he met them in Korea, changed his attitude.
In
the article the priest remembers the time he has been the object of a
person's generosity and has always felt pangs of conscience for not
given the proper response when he has met the person at a church service
are event.
He often hears priests are cold and
curt with the Christians. Many priests even with the the older Christians, wait
to be greeted. He feels that it is rare to have a priest make the first
gestures of greeting-- good at receiving love but not in giving.
Celibacy he believe is the reason that we are not
comfortable with expressing words of love and warmth. We are not
familiar with close relationships, so we lack a sensitivity
and emotional maturity.
When we lack love in our lives, he says, and do not go out to others, our humanity begins to die. He
gives us the example of the Dead Sea that only receives and doesn't
give.
We hear often the treatment Korean
priests receive from our Christians is the best in the whole Catholic
world. Nothing to do with our qualifications or efforts, but thanks
to Korean society. Benefits given to us by Christians are many, we
need to repay the debt.
We should be serving them with humility and kindness, but instead they see pride in our actions and behavior.
He
concludes the article with a passage that is loved by many: "You have
been told man, what is good, and what the Lord requires of you: Only
to do the right and to love goodness, and to walk humbly with your God" (Micah 6:8).
MERS virus has brought fear to the lives of many in Korea. Visitors
to restaurants have dropped noticeably and meetings have been
cancelled. On the subway many are seen wearing masks. The government
and health authorities have been criticized by the media for the lack
of transparency and urged to set up structures for controlling the
spread.
A columnist in the Peace Weekly on current
problems mentions how in the last 30 years we have had the spread
of new viruses like MERS, HIV, AI , SARS, Ebola.... Global warming has brought typhoons, tidal waves,
droughts, floods, and frequent cold and hot spells. Many
scientists attribute this to the use of fossil fuels.
Our
earthly village is giving too much attention to the creation of
wealth, bringing about a polarization crisis, and we have the crisis in
ecology. All the different countries are trying to resolve the
polarization even if it is only to maintain their authority; ecology
is a question of life or death, according to the columnist. Developed countries are beginning to accept a carbon tax, and there
is an effort to develop natural energy sources, but with unwise development and the use of fossil fuels, we have reached a situation which will be difficult to stop. Many see the long range efforts to
preserve our environment, and work for the common good, will give way to efficiency and profit.
He
mentions the efforts of Norway in Svalbard Global Seed Vault on the island of Spitsbergen in the remote Arctic, where they have stored the
samples of the world's seeds in case of serious damage to our eco-system.
Pope Francis is scheduled to release his encyclical
on the environment this week: called "Praised Be", taken
from the Canticle of the Sun by St. Francis of Assisi. Pope John Paul
II in 1979 proclaimed St.Francis as the patron of those who are in love
with creation and are working to preserve it.
The
columnist hopes that we will take warning on the damage that is threatening the global village. God has given us creation to look over it
wisely.
IPCC is an intergovernmental
body under the United Nations that has warned about the dangers that
will come to the earth by the end of this century unless something is
done with global warming.
The columnist finishes the
column lamenting that Korea does not seem interested in curbing the use of energy. Bishop head of the Committee for Peace and Justice, on world
environment day, mentioned in his message that Korea is one of the countries that imports little energy that is environmentally
friendly. He hopes that in the December of this year when the nations of
the world gather in Paris to discuss agreement on climate change, the
Pope's words will help us reach a consensus on this serious problem.
Has the Korean Church been able to accept the teachings of Vatican
II? A symposium in a diocese, written up in the Peace Weekly,
doesn't think Korean Catholicism has left behind pre-Vatican II
thinking, and accepted the changes in our
understanding of Church.
Words we hear often: Is
it a rupture with the past or continuity with the past? Many have black and white thinking-- all or nothing. Why is it
difficult to see the continuity with the past, and evolution of our
thinking on certain subjects? We do believe in movements of the
Holy Spirit leading the Church, and yet some have difficulty in
understanding that circumstances, and questions never asked before
require we formulate new ways of speaking to a humanity with different
values.
In the early fifth-century, a church father, St.
Vincent of Lérins is often quoted as one who saw preservation and
development as a truth of life. Pope Francis is quoted using the words
of St. Vincent which speak loudly of something we have problems
understanding even today."The doctrine of the Christian religion
should follow the law of
progress, so that it may be consolidated by years, developed by time and
made more sublime by age." St. Vincent is also the same church father
who said:“We hold that which has been believed everywhere, always, and
by everyone."
A seminary rector during the symposium
said cold-headedly, he believes the Korean Church has not accepted the
thinking of the Second Vatican Council. He wants the Church to go back
to the documents and begin living the teachings. For the Church to go
out to the world and preach repent, the Church has to repent, when we
say: be on the side of the poor, are we merely using words? We often
use the word love and often hurt others, and talk about
communication and fail to communicate.
We need to
examine ourselves in these areas. We need to be just in our dealings
within the church. We need to change our pastoral work so that the
laity become active in the pastoral work: help to inclulturate the
Church's teachings to Korea, help to bring about unification of North and South in our
teaching, and work to bring it about.
Another
presenter made known the need to open up the way for the lay people
to work in evangelization overseas, make the need for evangelization known to the community of Catholics, and to arouse interest in the evangelization of society and the
world.
Recently one of the internet sites had a poem written by an
elementary school girl with an illustration of the mother on the floor
and the child by her side as a vampire with blood on her lips.
Description of the caricature, even now, is difficult to express in
words, and easy to understand the response of those that saw the site. The child wanted the mother to know how much
she hated going to the private academy for more study after school.
Complaints
were so many and so critical of the site that the publishing company
apologized and withdrew all contents, Children are not as conscious of
what others will think, but honestly and simply express their inner
feelings-- in this case difficult for adults to accept.
A
college dean writes about the problems faced by the children in our
educational system in the View from the Ark of the Catholic Times. He gives us another example of an essay written for a daily paper
by a child who expresses the stress that students experience and wants
the parents to know this is the reason for the suicides, and laments
that the children are like sponges, made to absorb repeated stress.
Children
who frequent these private, after school academies, face a continual
barrage of slogans that make the time at the academies stressful and
fuel the competitive spirit in learning. Each day they are
exhausted by the studies and repulsed by what they will continue to
face, and a reason they turn to their smart phones for relief. Fear of
being a drop out in our society is present, and a reason for suicides.
Our columnist tells us the day of the
geniuses has come to an end, and we are in the time of the creative
thinker. No matter the conditions, they are prepared. They can
accept failure and frustration with their fighting spirit. They can
adapt to any situation and become close to any person. Education you
see, considers marks important but the education you don't see fosters leadership, creativity and sacrifice. Competition is one form of
violence. Extreme competition instead of motivating for success will
foster frustration.
Competition fosters academic cliques,
and ranking in society, an evil that militates against harmony. The educational system we have instead of fighting against the
evils in society has helped to increase the structural evils.
Development of society requires the mutual help of citizens and not
the elite of society acting as individualists.
Recently
we have more talk about the good results of play even in
theological thought. We are able to stimulate our senses, memories
are helped, language and emotional life, creativity and social
life is fostered. Before criticizing children for their behavior, we should give them a
place to work on liberating themselves from the demands made on them.
Since our teaching of religion has a goal to speak to the whole person,
and develop mature human beings-- this makes for a strong nation and church. Is there any pastoral work that is more important than this?
In Korea we have close to 30 thousand refugees from the North and 70 percent of them are women.
Many of these women were married in the North and have left family to escape the hunger. Circumstances, and the whirlpool of life in which they were involved was the reason for the life they now have in the South.
Loneliness
and
missing their families are their biggest difficulties in the
South. Hunger which they faced was their reason for leaving, but
the longer here the more they miss their families, and feel guilt for
having left them, although they now have escaped the hunger.These are
the words of a refugee from the North who has a column in the Peace
Weekly.
As
time passes many prepare to build another nest here in the South and
end up marrying a South Korean. Marriage
Information Companies they have established, and family members introduce
them to mates, hoping to overcome the loneliness with marriage.
Compared to men in the North, who she describes as unsocial, the men
in the South leave the women with an impression of intimacy and
kindness. After marriage, for a short period of time, they are happy
but shortly the difference in culture and thinking begin to
appear, and misunderstanding follows. Marriages,
occasionally, don't even last a year before divorce.
Personalities
and money matters are often the issue. Women in the North have been
under a dictatorial government and in fighting the evils in society,
in order to live, have had to endure much. This has made their way of
speaking coarse, and even in small matters they fight to resolve their
problems. Men here in the South are quiet and introspective and facing
this demeanor on the part of the wife is difficult to understand.
Women
feel it is their job to handle the money of the house. In the
North this was the women's work. In the house to have money that is 'yours' and 'mine' is not
understood. With this kind of thinking we have a lack of trust and women despair.
We have the separation of the two
Koreas and in marriage we find the difference so pronounced that living
together as husband and wife is difficult. Is this not a lack of care
for the other? Men need to understand the women's scars and make
allowances; women need to understand how the man looks upon the use of money and see her husband as a
partner for life.
Problems defectors face in the South and especially those married to South Koreans should be used as a blueprint to work towards unification. Without serious efforts to help the defectors adapt to life in the South, our approach to achieve unification will lack honesty and be a pipe dream.
"Do you know the reason why young couples are reluctant to have
children?" "Not Like their parents, they are not confident in taking on the sacrifice required, and weren't especially happy
as a child."
We have the lowest birthrate in the world. Something
has to be done: reeducation, change in thinking, and change in society. These were some of the thoughts that came out of a seminar on
family and media, sponsored by the Korean bishops. An article in the
Peace Weekly gives us a brief account of the contents of the seminar.
One
speaker said that half of the high school girls have no thought about
marriage, and children. Word circulates that college girls will discuss family planning with their neighbors, not something we can easily laugh about. What is meant is they want to know how
much money it will cost to have a child? Parents need to show how
important life is, and raise the children to find happiness, and we will
see a change in the birthrate.
Children do not
consider the grandparents as part of the family, and this is easy to
see. Increase in longevity will see four and five generations living
together, and require healthy mature parents to help educate
children for this reality.
One of the presenters, a
commentator on our popular culture, shows the readers how difficult
it is to see a healthy adult life portrayed in TV dramas. Usually
one out of three dramas has a secret with a birth of a child, these embarrassing details makes the life of the child difficult. We don't have dramas in which the tired, exhausted young people
show trust, and follow with expectation the example of the adults.
She
does give an example of some programs that give a positive
understanding of the lives of the elderly and she mentions how the
drama received a popular response from all the viewers across all the
generations. She makes a plea for more of this type of drama which will bring change to the thinking of the viewers.
Another presenter showed the importance of dialogue in the family. The professor
talked about communication within the family, and the results from it. Communication allows for intimacy, self respect,
and raises the satisfaction of family life. This becomes the motivating
force for a healthy family life: listening, encouragement, reminisces-- basic elements of communication. He concludes his
remarks hoping the many different kinds of families will begin using
this kind of communication.
One of the diocesan bulletins has an article by a priest responsible for the pastoral work with families in the diocese. He lists five ways in which couples fail to understand each other. Give and take between husband and wife is distorted by serious misunderstandings.
"Francis has a cold and fever and is in bed. He asks his wife to come home early from work to be with him. The wife answers that she has some important work to do and will not be able to leave work early. Francis believes that Clara doesn't love him, for she thinks nothing of his request. Francis thinks this will always be the case. Clara's deficiencies all come to his attention. He has lived with her for 20 years, and she doesn't understand his feelings. He will not be able to trust her, and is overcome with anger."
He calls the first way of misunderstanding the catastrophic response: a great obstacle to communication. This happens when a simple word or action brings an extreme response. A spouse comes to an unjustified conclusion-feels attacked, hurt and angry.
A second misunderstanding is the black and white or all or nothing response. If it is not now it will never be. The words always and absolutely are often used. We have an inability to nuance what was said or see extenuating circumstances: not able to see the gray.
Tunnel vision is seeing only one side of the issue, and usually the negative. One is prevented from seeing the larger picture, and the other's good points.
Often one comes to a conclusion not warranted by the facts. One jumps to a conclusion with flimsy facts.
The fifth misunderstanding is to think the other person is a mind reader and not bother to spend time discussing the issue. Not understanding we are a failure at mind reading, we give all the blame to the other. "Living with the person for 20 years is it necessary to bring it up. I know what the answer will be." This kind of thinking is only going to make the problems more serious.
These misunderstandings are made with husband and wife in mind but often the same problems occur in our failure to understand the other. We think it is the other person's fault and fail to make the connections that would allow us to see our own responsibility for the lack of communication.
