Often words used leave impressions that are beyond the intentions of the speaker. Extremely difficult to qualify all that we say so the words say what we mean. A priest working in spiritual counseling in the Seoul diocese has written a book: "Live And Take Care of Yourself" which was reviewed in the Catholic press.
"We often hear that our Catholics are very kind and more concerned about others than of themselves, the good child complex. However, a healthy mental outlook and living in peace with others requires concern for ourselves."
In the Church, we hear a lot about sacrifice and working for others. Many of our saints have lived this kind of life. The writer of this book makes clear that he wants his readers to be concerned also for themselves if they are to go out to others.
Self-interest has a bad reputation within the Church and brings to mind some very bad images. In psychology, self-interest is a natural trait that we all possess. We need to have the proper balance between altruism and self-interest.
Jesus wants everybody no matter what situation they find themselves in to be happy. What makes this difficult is the attitude which we have in facing our problems. For the most part we don't know what is inside bothering us. Our parents, school, the wrong education we have received, the faulty ways we have formed our consciences and virtues and even the way we have accepted religious truths, confines us. We need to ask in prayer for release from the prisons we have made. When we find it difficult we make this known and when we are sick we say we are sick and we work from there to change the situation as best we can.
When we hear the word help, it is others that first come to mind but we need also to take care of ourselves. When we think only of the other we are prone to the 'good child complex' and often this militates against having a good relationship with others.
When we feel uncomfortable inside we should not see this as something negative but a voice telling us to do something to remedy the situation. This requires a good relationship with ourselves. When things are not right inside and we don't work to heal the scars they only get worse and our personalities become barriers to good relationships. This is what the writer means by self-interest.
We as Christians dream of sacrificing and offering everything up to God but the ones who arrive at this are few. Most of us living in peace with ourselves and with others is living well.
Criticism and contempt are two attitudes that destroy peace in the
family. A diocesan member of the pastoral work with families writes in
the Kyeongyang magazine of the harm done with these two attitudes.
He
gives examples of criticism and contempt and asks the readers which does the most harm.
He makes clear that the difference is enormous. Contempt once begun
doesn't end. When expressed it doesn't only destroy the relationship but
it affects the health of those who are the object of the contempt.
Children
who are the object of contempt not only suffer harm to their
self-confidence but often becomes the cause of sickness. " A soothing tongue
is a tree of life, but a perverse one crushes the spirit" (Proverbs
15:4).
Contempt in the dictionary is defined as looking
down on someone, the act of despising another. Often we have the use of
abusive and obscene language. To show how bad this is he asks his
readers to take a plastic bag and give vent to all kinds of abusive
language for about 10 minutes and then put a mosquito you have just
caught in the bag it will quickly die. He gives another example of the
saliva that is found in the bag filled with toxins, when
injected into an artery of an experimental mouse, dies.
Contempt
expressed even in jest can be serious. It is like throwing stones at a
frog for fun but for the frog it is not a fun situation. When a person
has a positive outlook on life he is able to accept a great deal but
with a negative attitude one is easily scared. A jest can quickly turn into a dagger.
He recommends to the readers to look for
the good qualities of others. There is no one who has only strong
points and no one has only weak points. We have a tendency to see
the bad and ignore the good. This attitude is called the negativity
effect (we tend to give more attention to the negative than to the
positive).
He concludes the articles by advising that a
good way to heal the habit of contempt in the family is to make a list
of 50 strong points of each member of the family and place them where they can be seen. This is one of the techniques that
help in becoming more positive.
"Anxiety in a man's heart depresses it, but a kindly word makes it glad" (Proverbs 12:25). In
a word: to heal the wound of contempt is a kind word. "I am sorry,
thank you, I love you...." Words we hear often but use rarely.
Korean citizens for a period of 6 months with candle light processions were asking for a change. To whom did the nation belong? Our political leaders were selected by the people to run the country but the impression given was not what the citizens expected. The result was the people regained sovereignty of the nation and removed the president. The head of the committee in a diocese working with the poor begins his article in With Bible magazine with the above words.
What the Christians were asking was not greatly different from what many of the citizens desired in politics, economy, culture and society.
First of all a country without discrimination. Some are known and some are unconscious. Divisions make for discrimination. Separation of labor and management, male and female, rich and poor, educated and uneducated, those who live in Seoul and those in the country, believers and non-believers, conservatives and liberals, the healthy and the sick, young and old, married and single, the charming and the unadaptable.
This makes for conflict and division. We all dream of a nation where all are respected, all treated fairly before the law. The high and the low all treated the same. The way parents comfort their children, that is why we call our country our homeland.
Secondly, we want a land free from danger. Families of the victims of the Sewol tragedy were the center of the processions. If it was only their pain and the injustice they experienced they would not have been at the center. It was not their personal hurt but the corruption, injustices, and irregularities in society and not their personal desire for compensation. They didn't want this kind of tragedy to happen again. The reason that safety took a back seat was the value placed on time, money, comfortableness. In other words, it was financial interests, efficiency, and the easy way, that came before the value of life.
Thirdly, we need a level playing field for all the citizens to benefit. When only certain levels in society benefit we have problems. Those who are the weakest need support and concern. When we give 'one' to the strong and 'one' to the weak this is an injustice for the strong will gain more and the weak will lose what they have. The principle of equal opportunity needs to be operative where the strong remain strong and the weak are helped. When all are considered citizens and given opportunities to live the good life, we have a healthy society.
He mentions 12 principles for reform that Pope Francis recommends for the Vatican government: individual responsibility, pastoral concern, a missionary spirit, clear organization, improved functioning, modernization, sobriety, subsidiarity, working together, catholicity, professionalism, gradualism.
He concludes the article with a quote from first Cor. 9:22~ "To become all things to all men."What kind of country do we want to live in? It was the same yesterday, today and will be tomorrow. The country that God wants us to have is what people desire.
When we meet a blind person we naturally feel empathy for the person but rarely consider what that would mean to us if we were blind. How are they able to live without sight is even difficult to imagine.
A professor emeritus in the science department, who still is active in many different positions writes in the Kyeongyang magazine about an experiment he had with six teachers of science. He wondered how difficult it must be to teach the blind students a course in science. He wanted the teachers to experience the blindness of the students even for a short period of time.
He made a dark room and selected 6 volunteer teachers in science who were willing to participate. In the dark room, he had the numbers on the wall in relief that would direct the teachers to their seats. The instructor would give directions once they entered the room and they would go to the table with the experimental equipment laid out before them.
They were not given any help in what to expect in the darkroom. They were allowed to talk with one another and by trial and error method to arrive at results. The first experiment was with a model of an eye. They thought at first it may be a terrestrial globe but one of the participants suggested it may be a model of an eye. They agreed and succeeded in dismantling the model. Since most of them had worked with such a model and had taught it in class, he asks, would that have been possible if they hadn't experienced the model of the eye previously?
The second was a model of the molecular structure of ice. In our textbooks rarely would one see the molecular structure of ice and little is studied on the subject, consequently no one was able to make heads or tails of the model before them.
The lights were turned on and they were asked what did they learn from the experience. First of all, it was the first time they had such an experience. It was the first time in the lives of many of the group that they had such a feeling of helplessness and were humbled. They felt for the first time how grateful they were for the sense of sight to see the beautiful world in which we live. As teachers for the blind, they thought they knew what the students faced in their learning environment but they agreed they did not understand.
They felt closer to the students they were teaching and understood their difficulties. All the teachers learned a great deal from the darkroom time. He feels this kind of time in a dark room would be a great learning experience for many.
Why did God put us on the earth to die? The professor wonders if this is not to experience what the teachers did in the dark room. God wanted us to experience helplessness and see our faults, dwell on his mercy and come to an appreciation of the meaning of life.
Dust has always been present in our world and very likely preceded the appearance of humanity. A Korean proverb reminds us when shaken we give off dust. Meaning we all have dirty laundry. We have always lived with dust.
A college professor writes in one of the diocesan bulletins of a very serious situation in Korea where the citizens are obsessed with the dangers of fine dust particles in the air. Korea is considered one of the most polluted countries of the world. Air pollution continues to increase. Citizens wear masks when they go outside, they check the news for the condition of the atmosphere, a topic on the lips of all.
Dust is the first to react to the presence of the wind and be moved. Everything that moves necessarily gives off some dust. Like snow, dust, however, does not just disappear but keeps on increasing.
Presently the fine dust is a reason for despondency for many. May, the queen of the months, is losing its status when we look at the ashen skies. The fragrant odors from the green vegetation are blocked by the masks worn.
On second thought the problem is not dust from nature, but the dust human's make. We have not been bothered with these thoughts in the past. We were not reluctant to open our windows and go outside without masks. This is our present reality.
When we were children we played in the dust, our clothes were dirtied and filled with dust. Our mothers weren't pleased and let us know about it but it was personal. It was not the dust that came from nature that was a problem, but the dust we have manufactured. He is embarrassed in mentioning it. We always want speed, comfort, more of what we have, which brings us to our present condition.
When we cut down trees we are not concerned. When our water is polluted with impurities we don't see it. We don't want to see the by-products of our comfortable lifestyle.
The reality is that because of our egotism we are always looking for benefits at any price that brings us to our present condition.
In the first scene of the movie The Last of the Mohicans, three
American Indians are climbing a mountain in a hunt. They pass a
waterfall and small stream and spot an elk. One of the Indians takes
aim. The music stops and we hear a loud sound as one of the Indians
shoots the elk and we see the elk fall to the ground. They rush to the
side of the elk. The oldest of the three speaks: We're sorry for killing
you, brother." A religious-like ceremony follows with these words
uttered. "We respect your courage, speed, and strength." They all kneel
at the side of the elk and in an expression of sorrow caress the elk.
He changes channels and is presented with more of our societies concern with eating. We
see all kinds of animal and plant life but it is only food for us to
eat. We see only its freshness and forget its wonder and mystery. A
seminary rector with these words begins his article in With Bible magazine on the
phrase of the Our Father: "Give us this day our daily bread."
In
the Old Testament eating of meat was only allowed after the flood in
Noah's time. At creation, we were not given permission. "I give you all
the seed-bearing plants that are upon the whole earth, and all the trees
with seed-bearing fruit; this shall be your food." (Gen. 1:29). We were
given permission after the flood to eat the flesh of animals but with
one condition: "You must not eat flesh with life, that is to say;
blood, in it" (Gen. 9:3).
This changed for Christians
after Jesus. It is not difficult to understand how shocking were the
words of Jesus to the Jews when they heard: "Eat my flesh and drink my
blood" (John 6: 58).
We understand the words give us
our daily bread as referring to the Eucharist but primarily it is the
food we need daily for sustenance. It's not 'my' but 'our', not what we have stored but my daily sustenance. In our society food is left over
and thrown away and others go to bed hungry.
According
to World Food Programme (WFP), one person out of nine live with hunger. Another statistic tells us that under the age of 5 over two and
half million die of malnutrition. We know the large number who are overweight.
35 percent of the grain is fed to animals. Over
the past 50 years, the consummation of meat has increased twofold. The
large amounts of meat consumed in the developed countries have
accelerated the climate change. ( Many do not see the relationship
between meat consumption and climate change)
We have
developed a very delicate palate. Our mass media has helped to make gourmets of us all. A word that was not in the dictionary of the past we magnify to a degree that closes ourselves off
from what is important. When did our 'taste buds' become so
important? We need to stop worshiping our palates and our
gourmet sensibilities and hear the cries of the suffering and hungry.
No Korean is unfamiliar with the shaman and shamanism. However, the rector of a seminary writing in the Catholic Times wonders if they really know the shamanistic world. There are those that think they know but really don't, according to our writer.
Ordinarily, we think that those with no religion look to the heavens for blessings and that many other religious people are superstitious. In Korea, we have had no serious study of the non-believers (religious 'nones'). They have their own 'gods' and followers and in their own way, many have found liberation and a zest for life. Before we criticize them we have to ask ourselves have we found happiness in our religious life?
In all religions, we find superstitious elements, when we don't live according to of our beliefs. We have those Christians who go to fortune tellers and believe in the four pillars (year, month, day and hour of birth) as a reason for their destiny. He blames himself for not being kinder to those who have been influenced by these superstitions.
A life of faith is not like playing the National Lottery. There is a place for looking for blessings but it is not the essence of our faith life. Passion, purity of intention, and wisdom are needed. Without passion, spineless, without purity of intention, vacillation, and a calculating faith will not last long. We saw this in the recent scandals in government, looking for blessings and superstition.
We see this with some religious people, their religious articles are no more than charms and amulets to ward off evil. The Bible is in the bookcase as an ornament. Prayer is often the rattling of words when it should be the movement of our hearts to God.
We are living in a pluralistic world. With all kinds of religions, ideologies, and theories. Each with their own dreams and visions, and he introduces us to the Chinese classic: The Art of War (孫子兵法) an ancient Chinese military treatise.
Using the words from the treatise: In this pluralistic world in which we live we need to know ourselves and others if we are to live wisely. If we don't know ourselves and others it may be comfortable but it is a life of ignorance. If we know only ourselves it is a life of egoism. However, if I know only the other and don't know myself what kind of life will that be?
We have to be slow in criticizing another's vision of life and make sure to avoid parasitical superstitions and the gospel of success, wealth, and health. We don't want to be an ornamental Christian.
