Sometime Love Hurts

Love is of many kinds: the sweet kind we all are familiar with and often sing its praises, but also, according to the columnist of the "View from the Ark, the kind that hurts but makes us grow.
 
He came to this conclusion back in 1987 when, as one of two seminarians, he was assigned to a country mission station that ministered to 70 Catholic families. They were mostly farmers, some well-off, but most were living a life of poverty. The area was part of the country that was not helped much by the development taking place in Korea.The village was mostly Catholic but the relationship with the other villagers was very warm. The pastor  told the two seminarians that they would be learning a lot from their time spent with the Christians.

The children especially were very open to the seminarians. He tells us that the older seminarian was much better looking than he was and the girls showed this in the way they reacted with him. This left the columnist sad but he kept this to himself. Three attractive girls everyone called the three musketeers would come to visit them often in their place of residence. They were like any third year middle school student, boisterous and talkative. He especially remembered a girl named Helena, and wonders what she would be doing now. When she came to the chapel, she would sit in the back without a word, and then leave.

The day before the seminarians were to leave, they said goodbye to all the parishioners, including the three musketeers, who were there all day, chattering at their side. Next day the catechist prepared a farewell meal for the departing seminarians. That evening, when they were about to go out to eat, the columnist saw Helena walking back and forth outside the mission station. He approached her and told her to be good and tapped her on the shoulder; she yelled out that she didn't want to be good, she loved him. He was flabbergasted. When it came time to leave, Helena was not there.

Now reminiscing on this long-ago incident, the columnist reminds himself that love is not always sweet. At times it's sharp and piercing, and it hurts. But it's this kind of love, he says, that helps us grow.

He finishes the column with the words of Simeon to Mary, "This child is destined to be the downfall and the rise of many in Israel, a sign that will be opposed, and you yourself shall be pierced with a sword so that the thought of many hearts may be laid bare."

God's love for us in Jesus was the love that hurt, similar to  the love of parents for the child who continues to cause trouble. Love also is the effort to return to a harmonious relationship when this has broken down. The Blessed Mother, with the pain that came from much in her life, exemplified the graces from this kind of love. Similarly, the piercing of our hearts is often the sign of God's grace.

Upgrading the Spiritual Life

 Convents and monasteries are not places where we find saints but a place where we hope to form saints. A religious sister, in her article in the Catholic Digest, confesses how she found her way back to a heartfelt spirituality, after five years of hating a sister who entered the convent the same year.
 
This emotion toward the Sister got so serious that she was even thinking of leaving.  In one of her visits to the Blessed Sacrament, she decided  to go to confession to an unknown priest. She spent two hours not confessing her sins but  complaining about  the sisters of the convent, the community she belonged to, and the problems with the Church, and how difficult life was for her.

After her recital, the confessor asked her, "Sister, do you know God?" She answered silently by reminding herself it was because she knew God that she wanted to become a religious. The priest continued, "Sister it seems to me that you do not know God. You think you know God, so you do not desire to become more familiar with him, and you are not sad for not knowing him better. If you knew God, you would not be living in this way. A person that knows God grows, matures; you, Sister, have not grown. Once you realize you do not know God and are sorry, you will be on the way to knowing God."  

The Sister felt the priest's words were undeserved. "What right did he have to say that I didn't know God." Having no opportunity to refute what he said, and being upset, she made her way back to the convent. On the way, his words began to resonate within her in a manner that brought pain: "One who knows God grows." Is it a fact that I haven't grown? she asked herself. Is God really unknown to me? What in the world am I to do?"  On the bus, on her way to the convent, she began to agree with the priest that she didn't know God.

Back in the convent, she not only heard  the words of God with her head but her heart. She began  to live  with the  God who lives and breathes with her, and relates with her as a person.  No  matter what the problems, God is always with her and loves her.  For the first time in life, she began to see others as more beautiful than any flower. Everybody, all the sisters were loveable and beautiful. And the sister who she thought was giving her all the trouble turned out to be her patron. She was enabled to upgrade to a different level of living.  

In life, she knows there are many other battles to fight but is looking forward to the encounter, for she knows that it is God's will that will be realized, and she trusts.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              

The Dream of Dreams

To dream is natural, and to have a dream of what the future will be like is a natural part of our growing-up years.  For many, faced with the present reality, the years of dreaming have ceased, as we become somewhat satisfied with the lives we live. With these words, the desk columnist of the Catholic Times wants us to reflect on how much of  our life allows us to dream.
 
The one who dreams is happy, he says. Without a dream we are persons without goals, which means life can be boring and lack flavor. Those with a dream have very clear goals that engender patience, and energizes them for finding happiness. Aristotle defined the goal of life as the search for happiness. Everyone wants happiness, but it's only those who dream, according to the columnist, who will find it.

Humans are the only ones who dream, have hope and motivation. Dreams are necessary to develop ideals and realize meaning and satisfaction in life. Consequently, the columnist says, those who dream are happy.

Those who dream are those who used yesterday as the mirror for today. They are the ones that do all that comes their way to the best of their ability. Everyone dreams about living the happy life. Each person, according to their given circumstances and values, forms his or her dreams and goals. Those without health, dream of health, and those without enough material goods feel that if only they had more material abundance they would find happiness.  However, nobody can guarantee that attaining these goals will bring the hoped for happiness.
 
To dream for an ideal to be realized in the future is natural, but being concerned about the small things in life and to be happy and thankful for them are also important. We have to ask ourselves: What are my priorities? What is in first place? Is it money, my work, children, love? Many have limits to their dreams,  and when these limited dreams are realized, they often find themselves faced with emptiness.
 
Christians have to have dreams that are not measured by earthly  standards. God wants us to dream; we should plant within our hearts the dream that God has put in us. The work we have been called to do is not everything. No matter what are 'calling' is, we are, first and foremost, to be tools to realize God's given dream. To want to change the world and to do God's will is our dream. We can live either with resentment and dissatisfaction in our hearts or with gratitude and joy in our hearts. The choice is ours to make. Our mission is to join our dream to God's dream--if we want to find the sure way to happiness. 

Happy Chuseok (Happy Moon Festival)

The Silent Screams in Society

Life can be kind to some and cruel to others, who have more to cry about. And probably the biggest problem is that many do not hear the cries, mostly because the cries are silent. 

Writing in the Kyeongyang Magazine, a creator of a documentary radio program for over 30 years gives us his thoughts on  "The Scream," by Edvard Munch. The painting helps the writer recall  when his cry became vocal, and he says it was with the help of alcohol. In his life, the years of growing up were not what he expected. There was poverty, sickness and fear about the future. It was his mother who gave him the strength to overcome the difficulties. The crying was there but silent.

"The Scream," for our writer, is a depiction of an audible scream. Having worked in radio for so many years what he reads and sees is easily translated into sound. He can even hear the sound of a piece of white paper. A reason the painting means so much to him.

He quotes from the writing of Munch for the motivation behind the painting."I was walking down the road with two friends when the sun set; suddenly, the sky turned as red as blood. I stopped and leaned against the fence, feeling unspeakably tired. Tongues of fire and blood stretched over the bluish black fjord. My friends went on walking, while I lagged behind, shivering with fear. Then I heard the enormous, infinite scream of nature." The life of Munch was filled with plentiful reasons for the "The Scream."

The writer then brings to our attentions a horrible crime that was committed by a knife-wielding criminal. Victims of the crime were many, families were involved, and fear was experienced, with emotional scars never to be healed

However, seeing the bent-over  figure of the criminal in the papers brings other thoughts to mind and gives those that see him a heavy heart. He has no credit card, no money, no telephone, no house--a loner.  He has not even one friend with whom to exchange some words. He  even shakes his fist at the mother who wants to help him. Hasn't he also been silently screaming?  How much of our society has  been able to hear these screams?

We are able to see beauty in paintings but there are also paintings that show us a seamier way of life: A life that is not so beautiful, with faces distorted and bodies disfigured, showing us a different facet of life. The writer has been moved by this school of expressionists. Seeing this sadness in life helps him to purify his own sadness, and seeing the screams  he also screams. He wants us to reflect on the many who are screaming but are not heard.

Helping Street People with Music

Street people, we know, are those that have no home and wander the streets. Often they have mental problems, reversals in life, poverty, sickness and those who have given up on society and prefer going it alone.  Drink is a serious problem with street people, and Korea has taken the violence that follows drinking to a new level of concern. There are 39 places of rest for street people in Seoul and many places offering free meals.

The government, private organizations and religious groups all are involved in helping those who are homeless.  The Seoul railroad station is the home for many of these wanderers. The Peace Weekly has an article acquainting us with the work of the "Warm Meeting Place," a place not only where a homeless person can get a free meal but also can attend a choir practice. The addition of this choral group was well received, with 25 to 40 attending singing practice.

Just having a place to eat, of course, does not solve the problems of the street  people. However, being a member of the choir gives the street people a feeling of belonging. With music, they are consoled and some find the strength to return to society.

Started by a community of sisters, the choir has its own choir director. They begin practicing on Wednesdays at 2:00 p.m., and are now practicing about once a week. There is even  some well-known  vocalist who helps in the directing.

The Peace Weekly article on the choir mentions that a change  has taken place with some of those attending. Not only is there a change in the clothes they wear, but their desire to return to a normal life is noticed during the period of practicing. One of the Sisters said the results of music can be keenly felt. In just a few weeks a change can be seen in the confidence they acquire with attendance.

The musical repertoire usually consists of folk songs and songs from the movies, but the street people say they prefer the classical songs. They also have a desire to enunciate clearly and to study the intricacy of choral singing, which energizes those who are there to teach.

The time spent in singing and learning the music enables the street people to find themselves and gain confidence. They begin to dream of returning to society and finding a job. The thought of forming a group of street people to come together to sing sounds preposterous. And yet the possibility of teaching this segment of society to sing as a choir makes us reflect on how limited we are by our prejudices and fixed ideas of what is possible and what is not. Another example of not letting our possibilities be limited by our perceived limitations but to see what can be accomplished and to work toward its realization.

Sanctity in the World

One of the founders of a famous Korean conglomerate left behind after he died 24 questions about religion that made the news last year. After seeing the questions, the founder of the YUDO Group decided to write a book answering the questions. He spent seven months writing the book, which was recently published. He wanted to answer the questions from his own life experience. The response was his answer in gratitude to Catholicism for all it has done for him in life.

The Peace Weekly interviewed the YUDO president, who is a  fourth-generation Catholic. As a child he always dreamed of being a priest. He spent 14 years preparing to be a priest and had no difficulties with studies, health or women, but was told before the diaconate that he was not suited for the  priesthood. He was bright but too much of a free spirit, and after much thought the faculty thought he would be happier in society than living as a priest.

For a while, he found it difficult to come to terms with the dismissal from the seminary. His hometown acquaintances  rented a bus and went to see the bishop to remonstrate, he says laughing. Fortunately,  with time he accepted the dismissal serenely. Out on the streets and thinking about how he was to make a living, he  even considered  selling  lighters. It was at this time that he heard in his head the words  'sanctity in the world'. This began the journey to the  CEO of the YUDO Group.

The building of the company, he says, was accompanied with a lot of tears and frustration. The name of the company is a combination of his own surname, Yu, and the word Do meaning 'way'. The way is  Jesus from John 14:6. God is in charge with 51 percent of the responsibility, but the reason that Yu precedes the Do is that if the company fails, he takes responsibility, and he will take to the streets.

He has made clear to his family what he wants on his tombstone. "Here lies an artistic salesperson who was in search of sanctity." When later generations happen by his tomb stone, he hopes they will have only nice things to say about his life. He spent 14 years studying for the priesthood and 38 running a company; they were beautiful  years, he says, and he is full of gratitude. He wants to thank God for what he has received, and to live his life so that those who pass his stone will have a reason to give a kind nod of approval for the life he lived.

Mr. Yu has been very good with his material goods in helping others. 15 percent of the profits go back to the workers, and he has also been very generous with his money in helping the poor in society,  students, and retired priests. He is a good example of not letting a reversal in life change the ideal he once had, only the  way the ideal was to be realized.

Copy-cat Suicides

The Werther Effect gets its name from the novel The Sorrows of Young Werther, by Goethe. The Culture of Life column in the Peace Weekly visits again the high suicide rate in Korea and relates it to the Werther Effect. The hero of the novel, infatuated with a woman who is engaged to another, could not stand the internal pressures that were unleashed and killed himself with a pistol. The novel was a best-seller, and the columnist  mentions that because of copycat suicides that followed--over 2000--the selling of the book in certain parts of Europe was discontinued. The Werther Effect has become the name used to describe copycat suicides that follow the publicity given to suicides in the mass media.
 
Looking at the continuing material prosperity of Korea, the reasons for the continuing increase of  suicides can't be  related only to financial problems but to other factors in society: the breakdown of families, the increase of divorce, our change of values, and the like. The rate of male suicides was almost 3 times that of women but this has continued to decrease, and when focusing on the women in their twenties it is practically the same or even higher. The reason is the society safety net is no longer operative for this group.

Among the young especially, this copycat contagion of suicides is often noticed. Surprisingly, we are mostly unconscious of the influence of the mass media on our behavior. The spread of cyberspace technology has also increased the volume and variety of what we see and hear, bringing rapid and questionable changes in behavior, such as suicides. 
 
Although suicide is an individual act, it can no longer be seen as an isolated phenomenon independent of the mores of society. We are being formed to succeed and exceed; consequently, the failure in achievements will bring frustration and sadness. The analogies from the track and field events are apropos: number one is happy with achievement; number two sees the one ahead and feels disappointment, and the third is happy to have made the third position, seeing all those behind. This narrow view of what life is all about is not helpful in living the happy  life. The low happiness index of our citizens is not unrelated to the number of suicides.
 
The columnist mentions the success that Hungary had in decreasing the high rate of suicides to half of what it was from 1970-80. Korea has recently also decided to face head-on our problem with an emphasis on respect for life. To search for the ideal in life is noble but when this precludes happiness, something is wrong. To live in peace with our neighbors is also a beautiful ideal. Even when there is both a lack of money and a lack of respect, living happily is a sufficient goal when it is accompanied by the love and blessing of those around us.