Catholic bishops are meeting this month to find ways of helping families and couples to overcome the many problems they face. Much in our society is not helpful in making the marriage commitment strong. Intimacy makes for strong bonds between husband and wife, and sexuality is important but there are many other forms of intimacy that help to make for a strong union that will help overcome the obstacles in the way of a happy and fulfilling life. Divorce is a fact of present day marriages, and we are far from understanding the harm to society in the aftermath of this sad reality.
Bride and groom on their wedding day promise to be faithful to one another: " I promise to be true to you in good time and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life." The problems that are present in many cases are varied and many: finances, disillusionment, domestic violence, infidelity, personality differences and hundreds of other difficulties.
The church has with many of its programs helped couples and families: Marriage Encounter, programs for the engaged, Retrouvailles weekends, and many other programs are available; outside the church, we also have help. However, as with all programs, education, examples: Whatever is received is received in the manner of the receiver.
Maturity of the couple is a requisite for marriage. In our society, how many are mature, and have enough natural virtue to live intimately with another person in a healthy matrimonial bond is a question that needs to be answered, and ways to prepare programs for our young people to achieve this basic maturity. Our educational system is of little help.
In one of our diocesan bulletins, the question of intimacy was presented to the readers. When the understanding of intimacy is different for each of the couples, we will have problems in marriage. This is an area where hopefully they will dialog long and deep to reach a common understanding of what they expect from each other.
Intimacy requires: deep emotional involvement, respect and understanding of each other, meeting of mind and heart, sexual intimacy. One definition is not sufficient to include all that is meant by intimacy. Many are the facets of intimacy, and to have a black-and-white understanding of what is happening limits the possibilities.
The
bulletin mentions many of the ways this intimacy is seen:
raising a family, working together spiritually, using leisure time
together to develop their common interests, talents and artistic
pursuits, overcoming crises together, emotional intimacy and sexuality.
In conclusion, the writer hopes that his married readers will discuss these topics deeply and come to a common clear understanding of what intimacy means for them, and enable both to work together to achieve this intimacy.
Last month, a picture of three-year-old Aylan Kurdi was seen by the whole world lying on the shore of a beach in Turkey as if sleeping. He was one of the many who fleeing their home country by boat, drowned, when the boat sank, and the boy's body washed ashore.
A number of articles in the Peace Weekly treat this issue, and mention the difficulties of receiving refugee status in Korea. A family who has lived in Korea for the last 3, and half years has been asking for refugee status but was refused, and the chances are slight of a change in the future.
The refugee center has reported that those who have asked for refugee status less than 5 % have been granted, which is one of the lowest in the OECD. According to the UN Refugee Agency in 2010, the rate of refugee acceptance is 38% worldwide.
Over 4 million refugees have left Syria. One article mentions the three groups fighting each other: Government forces, Islamic State, and other opposition groups. All fighting each other and the people suffer and seek ways to leave. Pope Francis has mentioned the number of refugees are as at the time of the Second World War.
After July 1st 2013 with the Refugee Law, Korea has increased the number of refugees coming into the country. For political and religious reasons, they are leaving Pakistan, Egypt, Syria, Nigeria, Uganda, China, Myanmar, Ethiopia, Bangladesh. From 1994 when Korea accepted the agreement on refugees, 12,208 have applied and up until July 31 of this year, only 522 have been accepted. Because of the strictness used in determining their status, the numbers are low. There are those that are asking the government to be an example to other nations in the number they accept.
Pope Francis after becoming pope made his first visit outside the mainland, to the island of Lampadusa (a small island closer to Africa than Italy, where the refugees go before arriving in Europe) showing concern for those leaving their countries. "We have lost a sense of brotherly responsibility," he said, and "have forgotten how to cry" for the suffering and those dying in leaving their countries.
The National Council of Churches of Korea a Protestant group has asked all the members to pray for the Syrian refugees and raised money to help them. There are only two citizen groups that are non-profit groups, which are helping the refugees. One article concludes with the hope the government and the different groups in society will take an interest in the plight of these refugees.
Progress is made in many fields by working together, cooperating: in medicine, science, politics, etc.. We can't say we don't have cooperation in the church, but it is not evident and central in our apostolate. However, is it not precisely the movement of the Spirit towards unity that should make us the preeminent example of this way of operating? We pray, play, celebrate and talk about our work, and many are the communities that live, pray and discuss together but rarely does this extend to working together.
We call this type of working together with many different names: team ministry, cooperative ministry, partnership in ministry. Working together is a form of catechetics: we become the message, by the way we live and work. Overcoming the obstacles faced, and the effort made to work together is a powerful message.
This is the way Jesus set up his church. We have many examples of this approach to ministry, and many failures, which is a reason for the negative feelings many have about the whole idea. We do have success stories and in Korea, we continue to hear of parishes and dioceses who are experimenting with the idea.
Recently, both Catholic Weeklies had articles on the cooperative ministry in Pusan but there are other parishes that have been working with this cooperative approach to ministry for many years. Hopefully, they will continue to increase and include more of the laity in the ministry.
The auxiliary bishop has mentioned that in this experiment, they will have two priests who want to work together in a cooperative parish. Concern is expressed that this will divide the parish into different allegiances to one or other of the associate pastors; he doesn't see this as a problem. The possibility of this happening is present, but with the desire of the two to work together as partners, and this seen by the parishioners, the response, he says, will be appropriate.
Many are the reasons for the attempts in cooperative ministry. Both Old and New Testaments give us words that show the wisdom of the attempt. " Two are better than one: they get a good wage for their labor, If the one falls, the other will lift up his companion" (Eccl. 4:9 ), and in Proverbs: "As iron sharpens iron so man sharpens his follow man." The very nature of Church, seen throughout the New Testament, should be a sufficient reason to work towards this ideal by our actions. Synergy, a principle with which we are familiar also provides us with a motive.
We have many studies and surveys that show that Catholics who have been catechized, show little difference from others. This has to make us think long and hard on what went wrong. We have succeeded in imparting knowledge but not done well in moving hearts. In most cases the fire is missing. The means of presenting the message may need to change, and the often heard expression that the 'medium is the message' may help to explain why we have not done a very good job in evangelizing.
Both Catholic papers have given the synod of bishops, from
Oct 4-26, a great deal of space. The vocation and mission of the family
in the Church and in the contemporary world is the theme. In writing
about the synod, as with any writing, we have to be sensitive to the words used, for each word chosen means the writer made a judgement, which may
betray his own blindness and prejudice on the topic addressed. The phrase, he who translates betrays, may be true in many cases
both deliberately and unintentionally. This is also true in Korea.
The reporting has been good in most cases. In preparation, the bishops' committee on the family and canonical affairs sponsored a seminar on the divorced and remarried. A report on the seminar on the bishops' web site mentions that one participant said we had no official statistics for the number of the divorced and remarried persons among Catholics. The number is calculated by the statistics in Korea. People suppose that the life of non-Catholics and Catholics cannot be much different. Hopefully, this will be remedied in the future.
One editorial mentions how the world press is interested in seeing whether communion will be allowed for the divorced and remarried, acceptance of abortion and homosexuality. However, the interest of the synod is how to bring families the mercy of the Church giving them hope in the difficulties they face. We have the heightened appreciation of a person's dignity, decrease in marriages, the increase of separation and divorce, the separation of sex and procreation, and the impact that finances have on the family.
In society, we have the separation of life, and the teachings of religion. Words used do not find a receptive audience. The mission and vocation of Christian families are not easily understood. Families have been scarred and to recover will require on the part of the members, trust, mercy and hope.
Church proclaims truth that is unchangeable but also at the same time speaks of mercy and love. Families are confronted with confused realities, influencing them mentally and materially, sometimes sympathetically and negatively. The synod was called to accompany those who are having difficulties and to find ways to help.
The Church is like
a field hospital and wants to heal the wounds inflicted. She wants to
offer a variety of pastoral remedies. Both papers asked the readers
for prayers.
Francis de Sales' Introduction to the Devout Life is a spiritual classic from the past. He explains that we are living a devout life when God's love moves us to do the good easily, frequently, carefully and promptly. Without faith, few would see this life as one of joy, but this is the life we are called to live. For St. Francis de Sales, devotion is the perfection of charity: doing everything with joy in our heart.
An article in With Bible by a seminary professor, in a leadership role working with the bishops, wants us to reflect on why our hearts are not burning inside us? Society does have problems, and we are members of society and will be influenced by what we hear, and see. He uses the words of St. Paul, who tells the Christians those who are living with the Spirit will live with: "love, joy, peace, patient endurance, kindness, generosity, faith, mildness and chastity" (Gal. 5:22).
He mentions a few things that bring about the paralysis of the soul: feeling like a Catholic only on Sundays attending Mass, and forgetting about it until the next Sunday; a fear and burden with Confession. No other religion has this way of experiencing God's grace. We experience the grace of forgiveness and healing in a way that is different. However, many are those who make this a duty that they have to endure without the great joy of an encounter with Jesus, a formality. A sign that we are dealing with a paralysis of spirit.
Another paralysis is the awkward relationship with the priest and sisters in a parish and the dislike to hear what the church teaches. The faults of the clergy and religious become a stumbling block in getting closer to Jesus. The teaching on abortion, euthanasia, capital punishment, artificial contraception all considered out of step with the times, is another sign of a paralysis of the spirit. In these cases, is it not that we are sacrificing the value of life and its beauty to our greed, and self-righteousness? We recall the words of Jesus to Peter: "You are not judging by God's standards but by man's" (Matt 16:23).
To give life to the spirit he recommends picking out some favorite passage from Scripture, and posting it where you can easily see it. Memorize the words and repeat them often. Make the sign of the cross and use ejaculations frequently during the day. He continues with other suggestions and concludes with the words of St. Augustine.
“Late have I loved you, beauty so old and so new: late have I loved you. And see, you were within, and I was in the external world and sought you there, and in my unlovely state, I plunged into those lovely created things which you made. You were with me, and I was not with you. The lovely things kept me far from you, though if they did not have their existence in you, they had no existence at all."
Korean Catholicism hears often the word 'young senior'. We are a rapidly aging society, and the church is aging even faster. Young seniors are those between 55 and 69, and number 21% of the Catholics. Those over 65 in the general population are 12.7 % while those in the church are 16.4 %, and this will continue to increase in the future.
We are not far from a super-aged church. At present, one out of five is a young senior but our pastoral practices have changed little. Many parishes continue with the one day a week school for the elderly, with recreation, trips, developing hobbies, and some parishes would have Scripture study.
Those in their early seventies have shown an interest in the school for the elderly but not the young seniors. There is a need for the church to become interested in this large segment of parish life. There have been efforts in different dioceses with programs for this age group but many feel there is a need for more interest and efforts to determine what this group of seniors wants and needs.
The Peace Weekly had an article on this age group and the efforts being made to answer their needs. At present, we have 11.3 % under 19 years of age, 20-40, 46.2 %, 50-64, 26.1 % and those over 65, 16.4%. When the percentage of those over 65 exceed 7 %, it is called an aging society. When over 14 % it is an aged society and when over 20 %, it is a super aged society. The church will shortly reach the super aged level.
Young seniors are independent, looking for ways to grow, and ways to use their free time in a constructive way. They are different from the traditional older generations of the past for they want to live separate from the children and live as a couple. In 1985, there were 188,615 couples living alone, and in 2015 this has increased to 3,010,000 couples.
The Seoul Diocese from 2007 has had an academy for the young seniors, a two-year course with courses in social issues, culture, religion, church history, religious art, and the like, with specialist in their field giving the lectures. There were also group activities in literature, art, photography, drama and music.
During an eight-year period, over 500 have finished the courses. Those who have taken the programs have all finished high school. There are many who would like to see more creativity in finding ways for the young seniors to use their time. Many of the elderly have talents and experience they can use to help others. This is an area in which much can be done; programs that will give vitality to the elderly can use the elderly as resource persons to make the programs varied and profitable for the recipients and the teachers.
Vietnam
"Woman, what's your name?" "I don't know."
"How old are you? Where are you from?" "I don't know."
"Why did you dig that burrow?" "I don't know."
"How long have you been hiding?" "I don't know."
"Why did you bite my finger?" "I don't know."
"Don't you know that we won't hurt you?" "I don't know."
"Whose side are you on?" "I don't know."
"This is war, you've got to choose." "I don't know."
"Does your village still exist?" "I don't know."
"Are those your children?" "Yes."
This poem by Wislawa Szymborska, (1923-2012) a
Polish poet who was awarded the 1996 Nobel Prize in Literature, was
the topic for an article in the Kyeongyang magazine by a professor of
English. She helps us to interpret the poem.
The woman was found by some soldiers, in a burrow she dug in the ground. Forgetting one's name is not a common occurrence, except for those with some form of dementia; seeing the situation it is not hard to understand the fear of the woman when asked her name, she was not lying, she was scared.
The following questions were all easy for her and the readers to understand, and they all received the same answer: " I don't know." The woman was being questioned at gun point; the war was raging, and she didn't know what was in store for her and her children. When we are overcome with fear, all our thoughts disappear.
Whose
side are you on? A dangerous question especially since she bit the
finger of the soldier which could have been seen as defiance, and yet
she continued to answer: "I don't know." Fear was everything.
Her response could easily be seen as contempt and resistance which it was not. For this to have been the case, you would expect a few more words in her response and more of a game plan in her answer. She was 100 percent paralyzed with fear. The miserable results of war are not who, where and how many have died, but the end of dialogue, and as in the poem the answer: "I don't know, I don't know, I don't know." The fear that enters the soul: is no more and no less than 'horrible'.
The last question: "Are those your children?" You would expect the same answer as in the previous questions but no, this time it was a resounding yes. I don't know was her response in the face of death but this time it was her children she couldn't forget. She was a mother. War makes us forget everything, but she couldn't forget her children.
We are all someone's son or daughter, someone's mother or father. In this world, there is no one who is alone. Even after we leave this earth all of creation sends the message of love. This is the prayer we have in our hearts: peace instead of war, overcoming injustice with justice, evil with generosity, selfishness with concern for others and making this central in our lives.
