New Challenges of Family LIfe

Marriage Encounter (ME), was introduced to Korea in the early 1990s and grew rapidly but recently, difficult to maintain as a parish organization. ME meetings are held once a month but few couples attend and it's difficult to find leaders. Getting couples to participate in the weekend programs is also difficult. Sadly, the movement that's done much as a guide for married couples to grow in love for one another is now in decline.
 
An article in the Catholic Times by a parish priest describes the problems faced in the pastoral work.  Looking at this one reality of the Marriage Encounter Movement he realizes how much change we are experiencing. According to the data of the National statistical office in 2016, one person families in Korea accounted for 27.2 % of the total families. Followed by 26.1 % for two-person households, 21.5% for three person households, and 18.8 % for four-person households.
 
As the number of single person households spread and the YOLO (You Only Live Once life) style of living and philosophy spreads, values and consumption patterns change. This is the trend of the times. New words appear: eating alone, drinking alone,  watching movies alone, traveling alone and playing alone and are no longer strange to our ears.
 
We have those who no longer consider marriage necessary, the happy single person who selects the single life, and the not so noble single person who doesn't want the burden of children. Many are single because of divorce, separation, families that live separately for the education of the children, elderly people living alone, and those who have lost their spouses because of death and those who have no choice but to live alone. Living alone in the past was an abnormal situation but what was abnormal has become the norm.
 
Lifestyles of the single person living alone are many and varied. We have those who are connected with others but not relationally or socially. They dislike collectivism, delays, and making contacts with others, they choose voluntary isolation. Happiness and comfort are great values. Another type would pursue individual value and at the same time desire community and constantly try to connect with others by means of SNS.
 
Pastoral care of the family is difficult. The Church has generally divided the family of four into the normal and abnormal and been mainly concerned with the normal family. However, we need a new pastoral policy to work with the one person family. We need to remember that there are many who are comfortable living alone but want to be connected with others and long to join a community and do not because they don't know how to go about it. The church needs to recognize this and work to make their communities open and welcoming to these one-person families.

I am Nobody! Who are You?

                                         I am Nobody! Who are You?
                                                  Are you-Nobody-too?
                                                  Then there's a pair of us!
                                                  Don't tell!
                                                  They'd banish us-you know!

                                                  How dreary-to be-Somebody! 
                                                  How public-like a Frog-
                                                  To tell your name-
                                                  The livelong June-
                                                  To an admiring Bog!

A university professor begins an article in the Kyeongyang magazine with the above short poem by Emily Dickinson. The article deals with changes in society and the aspirations of the young people in comparison to the past and some of the reasons for the changes.
 
Young people no longer dream about the glorious and prominent positions in society, but rather the secure ones such as civil servants. We should all be dreamers, young and the old, but the young early on are frustrated in their attempts to go to the schools they want. Many enter their 20s with great deprivations. After college, if they get a job, they have other serious problems: marriage, housing, children. They are a nobody who desires to be somebody, but they are overcome with defeat and a feeling of inferiority and lack dreams.
 
In the poem, the poet asks: I am nobody who are you?  Humbling herself to the readers she draws them to herself. We are a pair. This oneness with the reader becomes a secret they share. Why keep the secret to ourselves?  She answers that it is an important secret, for those who seek to be famous will consider us, who are satisfied as nobodies—a threat.
 
Those who want to be nobodies are going against the flow of society are dangerous and subversive. We only have to look at Jesus to see what happens in such cases.
 
This poem not only admires the simple life but also shows how the famous can make their values seep into the purpose of life. In the last segment,we hear about the frog which makes itself known to the admiring swamp always croaking with nothing to say. The swamps are the admirers, that make the frog feel important. It's better to be a nobody than this dreary, limited kind of life. 

We have those who silently, courageously move ahead one step at a time. Nobodies, who risk their lives; what makes them do it? Is it work for justice, truth or love? Each one with their convictions,  station in life, silent, without names, lead us. There are, of course the traitors and the corrupt, but many more who with sacrifice, courage and love are opening our eyes. I am a nobody you are a nobody but we move along haltingly but move ahead.

Disposability Easily Achieved

Disposable single-use items are part of our life.  Paper cups, chopsticks, plastic bags, coffee packets and hundreds of other items are used and disposed of daily. Bad for the environment and may not be good for the psyche?

A religious sister in an article in the Kyeongyang magazine begins telling the readers of her friendship with her laptop computer. She knew everything about it having used it for 10 years. When it finally gave up the ghost it was no big problem but she was sad and distressed; it was a friend.

This was not only true with the laptop but also with other articles in her possession: the plastic comb and mirror had been with her for about 30 years; the comb had lost some of the teeth and the mirror was broken at the edges but they were friends. A number of times while shopping she looked for replacements but nothing appealed to her. She decided that she would keep them for as long as they could do what they were meant to do.

One-time-use items used again will make that product more useful than normal. When a product is used profitably for a period of time the product is more than just something used but it has a relationship with the user. We live in a disposable society. A throwaway society can make us think all is disposable.

Adam in Gen. 2: 19 gave a name to all that God created and made them special. This makes it possible to call them by name. If we could give a name to all that is created the relationship we would have would be quite different. Our world would be different. 

We have a surfeit of disposable products in use. The danger is always present to see our fired workers,  our young unemployed people as just so many expendables.

Some years ago the Sister remembers an apartment that was being renovated that surrounded their convent. Coming into a new apartment much of the furniture was discarded and the sisters had a great time furnishing their convent with the discarded furniture—still in use.

As we continue to throw away cheap one time used products is it possible that we begin to see our fellow human beings as throwaways and expendables? When we start seeing everything we touch as valued, life in all its forms, all the products we touch is that not a kind of prayer, an expression of love and worship of God. It may be seen as insignificant but in God's providence a way of returning vitality to the world.

Do All We Do Well

An article in the Catholic Peace Weekly by a university professor recounts her efforts in repairing an old apartment in which she lives. It's never easy to repair, reduce costs and achieve the results one wants. She needed a lot of inspiration and effort to find the information needed. She was a teacher and repairing was not something with which she was  familiar. Her efforts to learn were not made easy by the technicians, merchants and the distributors of the materials necessary.

Work which can't be seen should also be done with meticulous care. It may look alright from the outside but it can be uncomfortable and dangerous when used. In her apartment what was not seen was done shabbily and when she made this known she was told: "Who is going to see it?" Comfortableness, safety making the owner happy were not valued. 

Manufactured goods installed left much to be desired. Instead of clean, neat and delicately finished they were roughly handled. One side was done with care, smoothly and evenly, the other side was rough and uneven. What she wanted was not necessary, she was too fastidious and they reproached her. The workers would not see their work again but she will be living with it not only for 10 years but for a lifetime. She was not fussy but merely wanted a job well done.
 
Carelessness and dishonesty of those who make, sell and distribute can lead to a lifelong inconvenience, risk, and dissatisfaction for the user. A chair, a desk, a window when done well, finishing it delicately and honestly you are respecting and caring for those who will be using them.Technology is not only necessary for convenience sake but with the premise that we are doing this for humans. What are the implications of technology that does not respect and care for the human beings using it?
 
Everyone needs to have a professional outlook. This is required of all of us. With this outlook on life, we will all contribute to humanity no matter what is done. All is based on the human respect we should have for another. Repairing old shoes the craftsman should feel respect for the human being that will be using the shoes.
 
We need to have pride in what we do and respect those for whom we are working. More important than the 'what'  of the work is the 'how' of what we do, this will determine the value of our efforts.

Simple Life Not a Fad

Humans are consumers: (Homo Consumens)  not difficult to see why.  A professor at a Catholic University gives the readers of the Kyeongyang magazine an article on consumerism.  Korea has  both those who seek to possess and those who are going in the opposite  direction.

One sociologist suggest we have gone beyond our biological needs to live and procreate; our greed makes us increase our need for material goods and services. In a consumer society: what we wear, eat, where we live, what kind of car we drive, makes known our position in society, our tastes, and even our personality.

Is what is consumed unrelated to how we judge a  person? Let us suppose we have two housewives, they both buy cabbage, bread, curry with the only difference being one housewife buys coffee beans and the other mixed coffee. We can jump to the conclusion that one is lazier than the other judging by the kind of coffee bought. This is also true in the places in which one lives; we  make judgments. Is this good logic? Of course not but this is the kind of society we have been brainwashed to expect.

Consumerism has developed our industrialization and extended the market. When production is greater than the demand we have the increase of different products and the marketing of kindness and the beautiful. Beauty was always important but now the elegant, hair grooming, cosmetics, and plastic surgery have become financial money makers— products are unlimited.

Why do we seek to possess more than we need? When our needs for life and security are met, we start looking for other needs. What was beautiful 20 years ago may not be so today. 20 years ago, no need for a handphone today it's necessary. Society has created a need for it. When we have a nice handbag or a beautiful looking car we bask in their gorgeousness. When we put photographs of our overseas trips on SNS,  we are not only showing some beautiful pictures but also showing our wealth and good tastes.

Many are tired of the rat race and are opting for the simpler life. They see the destruction of the environment and the effect on weather.  Consumerism has a lot of bad side effects. Many realize if the wealth in the developed countries were possessed by the underdeveloped countries, we would need three more worlds.

The possessing of material goods also in the eyes of many is not what it was. The effects of showing off our wealth are no longer what it used to be. More interest is shown now for service and experience.

The professor ends the article reminding the readers that many consumers are looking for the true self which is not packaged with goods and services. What we need and want is not easily grasped. Necessary to reflect on what consuming will do to us, our society, the environment and to our descendants. If we do not reflect on this and fail to take  the minimal life seriously, we will do what some did  years ago to simplify their lives but it was only a fad which quickly disappeared. 

"You Die Me Die" Situations

It's difficult to repress the emotion of anger.Recently in the daily paper, a picture of a five-story building with two PC Rooms shows this graphically.  (These are gaming places where patrons can play computer games for an hourly fee. Usually, about one dollar for an hour being a common rate) Koreans would know quickly that something was not going well between the owners. It was another one of those "You die, me die!" situations, long used as a joke but it is not a laughing matter.

An article in the Catholic Times Weekly by a counseling psychologist explains how this situation arises and what to do. You die I die kind of thinking is not rare in society and we wonder why we go to such an extreme. Social concerns about anger control are high because of the harm it causes.

Road rage gives us retaliatory driving (driving for revenge), arson, and assaults are all signs of "intermittent explosive disorder" sometimes called anger control disorder. This impulse when not controlled ends up with disruptive behavior. This says the writer is different from the tendency of the 'hot-blooded' or quick tempered person. Normal anger varies depending on the degree of psychological and social pressure.

The hot-blooded or quick-tempered person gives you signs of the anger that is building up but the person with an anger control problem gives no signs and consequently, both in the home, the workplace and   interpersonal relationship we have problems that often become legal issues.

A person with anger control problems needs to receive help. Anger is an emotion that is expressed with words and not actions. A person with anger problems needs to work on the opposite virtues.

She gives us the  Korean proverb: If you're patient three times, you can prevent a murder. Our culture directs us to suppress and restrain our emotions. However, anger is not something you want to  suppress but something we want to properly regulate.

If you suffer the emotion of anger for a long period of time it will burst out and we have an anger control problem. She quotes from the movie Star Wars, Jedi's teacher said: "Fear is the way to darkness. Fear makes anger, anger makes hate and hate make pain." In other words, fear can be seen as a wound of the mind that comes before the feeling of anger.

The root cause of anger is ultimately the result of fear within us. We need to listen to the voices inside to find what fear is in us. She recommends going to the mountains or the seashore and to express anger to your heart's content but not reproach others. If this doesn't work go to someone who will listen and  sympathize. If nothing works then go for professional help.

Peaceful Co-existence of North and South Korea

In the fall of 2015 the 30th Human Rights Council met at the  Headquarters of the UN in Switzerland. A peace activist  writing in the Catholic Times on issues dealing with unification writes  about her attendance at this meeting. She was apparently a leader of one of the  small civic group discussions.

An organization in Japan came to the writer to ask  for an opportunity to speak at the plenary meeting. It was her task to facilitate the speaking in one of these  small groups. They sought to make a statement about the Japanese military comfort women at that time. She was saddened that the meeting ended in the morning and time would not be given in the afternoon. 

Civil groups were grateful that the Japanese organizations had come from afar to deliver the truth about the comfort women of the Japanese military. They were promoting justice and human rights, rather than giving  opinions and directions of the state. During a break she greeted them warmly and shared talk about their remarks.

However, she was confused and embarrassed on hearing what they were going to say. At that time in Korea  demonstrations against demolition of areas of Seoul where prostitution was extensive were items in the news. Korean comfort women were in the work for the money just like these prostitutes now in Seoul,was the opinion expressed by the Japanese contingent. Our writer was overcome with resentment and was asked where was she from. When she answered Korea, the spirit of the group changed quickly. She could no longer continue to objectively lead the group.

In the  afternoon session the Japanese group sent their statement to the plenary session and this time not as civil group but as official representatives of Japan. Our writer feels this should have been rejected but they were allowed to talk. Representatives of the comfort women of Korea because of sickness  weren't  able to attend.

This was the time  of contact between the Japanese and Korean government authorities on the Korea-Japan comfort women agreement which was released on December 28, 2015. The Korean delegation kept silent during the discussion. It was only North Korea that strongly criticized the Japanese Administration as distorting history and refusing to apologize in making sexual slaves of so many women. 

We are one people. We share a long history, suffered pain together and have the same wounds. Our body is divided but the heart is that of brothers and sisters. We have come together in harmony for the Olympic Peace Festival. Our co-existence needs to be prioritized so that we may be part of the open world. We pray that our encounter will be a step to a world of peaceful co-existence.