Happiness Is Loving and Being Loved

A priest remembers the time doing pastoral work on an island where he had a  small home for grandmothers. He writes about his experience in a Pastoral Bulletin. When the Chuseok holiday approached a few people would come to visit and bring gifts to the elders at the home.
 
The grandmothers cleaned the grounds around the house and put their best clothes on for the holiday. He recalls the visit of four or five community leaders who came around noon in a van carrying some gifts. The grandmothers received the boxes of fruits and gifts in front of the house. They took some pictures and the guests returned to the van waving, explaining they were busy and had to leave. The seniors bowed deeply thankful for the gifts and the van drove away. The guests waved with a feeling of satisfaction.
 
Somehow, in the place of love, there seemed to be a big gap between the giving and receiving. The writer did not see any signs of closeness, love, or oneness. The grandmothers were small people who waited and bowed. To the contrary, those bearing gifts were the givers, doing good things, and feeling good about their actions. There was no spiritual exchange or meeting through conversation, but only the externals of giving and receiving.
 
There is a saying in Asian teaching about charity. When you help a person, three things should not be seen: the person giving, the recipient, or what is given. People desire to make themselves and their help appreciated.
 
Jesus also said not to reveal our charitable giving. "When you give alms, your left hand must not know what your right hand is doing; your almsgiving must be secret, and your Father who sees all that is done in secret will reward you" (Matt. 6:3).
 
The writer mentions there are many people in difficult circumstances where he lives. He wants to help but is hesitant about what to do. Many experts advise us to be wise in giving unless a real need is present for we can make persons beggars.

There was an unfortunate family he wanted to help but to do it directly he saw problems. He sought the help of people with professional knowledge in helping those in need. They visited the home, counseled and determined the needs of the family which he helped to meet. There are many ways to help people with difficulties: financial help, education, and personal development.
 
In modern times, there are many who have shown us different ways to love. One is to go into the world of the poor and suffering and live with them. It is not giving or teaching anything, but accepting and acknowledging others as brothers and sisters and spending time with them. We have the example of many eminent persons who have done just that by living with the unfortunate people and sharing their lives with them.
 
One of these is Jean Vanier who began the L'Arche movement over 50 years ago. In L'Arche movement, each person participates, helps and receives help, it is founded on mutual relationships. Vanier has a doctorate in Philosophy for his thesis on Aristotle. The research was on happiness, which he defined as loving and being loved. This was also the path that Jesus showed us in showing love for the outcasts of society.