On the Spirituality page of the Catholic Peace Weekly, a religious sister gives us some interesting suggestions on growing old and the way we need to examine ourselves.
One day, an elderly man's voice on the phone made her feel powerless and sad. Brother Joseph and Sister Maria, who participated in senior citizen groups for a long time said they wanted to prepare well for their deaths, and looked for homes for the aged, which would be their last living quarters as they grew weaker and weaker. It is said that there are not many places and the conditions are not good, so the concern grows. Many people around us are thinking about this. Even if there is a place where the conditions are right, many have doubts about adapting and living in a new environment, and the passing of time itself comes as a fear.
We met the elderly at the Senior Citizens' Center where they shared about 'the old age I want'. What they said in one voice expressed their sorrow and guilt for not being able to pass on ample wealth to their children despite having lived for them all their lives. As they get older, they spend more and more on hospital bills and medicines, and since they have no income, the wealth they saved will decrease and they will become a burden to their children in a few years. Therefore, it is said elderly parents endure pain without going to the hospital, and hide the fact that they are sick for fear of worrying their children.
How much do children know the hearts of their parents? Don't dismiss parents she says as being desperate but make the effort to understand them. No matter how much their children tell them to go to the hospital, the parents say it's okay and ignore their children's voices. Parents often neglect to take care of themselves and feel sorry for not being able to give more to their children even after giving everything to them. That's why she thinks it might be said that love is descending love. If children have received boundless, overflowing love, shouldn't there be some degree of love from children to their parents?
She has meetings with seniors who have been abused and abandoned by their children. Looking back on the counseling, the elderly who have been abused are people who have lived a hard life by providing everything for their children. Therefore, amid abuse, they face the pain of their lives collapsing in front of their children's emotional and physical abuse. Sobbing, they ask: "How did I raise you, how could you do this to me? I gave you everything, and you keep asking for more, what can be done?"
While working with the elderly she was able to see some of their common characteristics. Our elders are clumsy about how to love themselves and only familiar with the love they give to their children. Since they don't respect themselves others might find it difficult to respect them. When a fish comes out meal time, don't just eat the head, but actively express yourself by saying, "You guys will have many opportunities to eat it in the future, so now I'll eat the body part of the fish." That way the children will understand that the parents don't like fish heads. When you value yourself, others will value you as well.
In Confucian culture, the position of the eldest son was always different from that of other children, as it was believed that children would attend to their parents when they grew older and hold ancestral rites when they passed away. However, according to a recent survey on the elderly, only 12% of the elderly wish to live with their children. The old-fashion household is changing rapidly, but the consciousness of the elderly about their children is not keeping up, so the conflict with their children will continue to get bigger.
Now is the time for the nation to take more responsibility for the support of needy families. The type of care service for the elderly is becoming increasingly diverse and the scope is gradually expanding. Sister is asking the senior citizens to put away worries about their children and enjoy a lively, confident, and happy old age.
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