Contagiousness of Loneliness

 

 Charles Darwin wrote a book called “Emotional Expression in Humans and Animals” along with “Origin of Species” laying the foundation for the theory of evolution. The Jesuit director of a human rights center writes in the Catholic Peace Weekly, Diagnosis of the Times column on the contagiousness of loneliness,

Chimpanzees are said to have almost the same level of social attachment as humans, so they express sadness and joy similarly. People experiencing deep grief sometimes find comfort in easing their loss and grief through intense body gestures, and the same goes for bereaved chimpanzees. They may cry out strange noises, slam their bodies against the iron bars, or stick their heads under straw bales and moan as if their hearts will break. It is a way of facing the fear that comes from the loneliness of being left alone.

 Humans are much more social than chimpanzees. We crave intimacy and cannot survive without it. Before the 20th century, only 1% of the world lived alone. But things have changed. Historically, as competition, polarization, and individualism intensify, the need for privacy increases, and the price is loneliness.

Currently, 3 out of 10 people in Korea are one-person households. Six out of ten people feel isolated, but at the same time, many more say they prefer to be alone rather than with family. You can live alone without feeling lonely, and you can be lonely without living alone, but loneliness and ‘living alone’ are connected. 

At this time, loneliness becomes a state of ‘homelessness.’ Feeling a sense of belonging means feeling at home. Anywhere can be a home, but this does not happen to those who experience existential loneliness or those who are homeless. Loneliness is not ‘cultural’ but ‘social’. Living alone is not a choice, but a result of the society in which we live.

Loneliness is not an empty sentiment or a personal emotion, but a state of deep anxiety and worry, both personally and socially. It is expanded sadness. Often the reason for numerous problems such as anxiety, violence, trauma, crime, suicide, depression, political apathy, and even political polarization. Not everything in the world can be reduced to loneliness, but it is one of the important causes and a new social problem.

In 2018, US health authorities declared that loneliness was an ‘epidemic’, and the UK appointed a minister ‘in charge of loneliness’. ‘Social isolation’ and loneliness are also related. The two share common symptoms and results. They are all associated with bereavement, old age, living alone, low levels of education, low income, and childlessness, particularly evident among the vulnerable and sick. If loneliness continues and becomes a chronic condition, it is no different from poverty. 

In Catholic social teaching, poverty is ‘exclusion’. This is because it is not only economic poverty, but also social, political, psychological, and spiritual. The persistent feeling that one's unique value is denied or the suspicion that one cannot share the value in the lives of others is the poverty of relationships and existence. Existence and relationships are everything to humans. 

The causes of loneliness are very complex and multifaceted. Loneliness is now a policy agenda, but also a universal problem so there is something we can all do, no matter how small. Loneliness is one of the deepest pain we can testify to. We can do the work of friendship, the work of being together in places of such deep pain.

These are the words of Henri Nouwen. “When someone listens faithfully to us and shows genuine interest in our difficulties and suffering, we sense something very deep is happening within us. Slowly fear and anxiety disappear. “The experience of being valuable and precious to someone is a tremendous creative force.”